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I was born in England on the 16th February; a midlander growing up just far enough away from Birmingham that I avoided having a Brummy accent, and having to regularly shop at the Bullring.


I went to school, where I managed to get a few more pieces of paper than most of my friends. This however failed to make me either a better person, or equip me for Total World Domination. Now I have been married for over ten years my wife insists I work on the former rather than the latter. For the present I have reluctantly agreed. My gains in this area remain somewhat questionable.


In the loneliness and desolation of my single years, where I got up to nothing suspicious, illegal, or questionable at all *ahem*, I somehow managed to convince two universities to give me a degree. If questioned both institutions (unnamed to protect their reputations) would likely disavow any knowledge of my attendance, but two more pieces of paper say I became knowledgeable in the areas of science, and therapy during my time there. However, extended self-experimentation and solo counselling sessions have both failed to give me either the super-powers, or superior mental and emotional abilities necessary to take over the world. I am currently perusing legal action for lost earnings, to the total sum due to one working for forty years as Despot of the Planet. Strangely all legal aides have refused to take my case forward, but I remain hopeful.

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